so in passing, I mention to some well-meaning friends & family that writing seems interesting, most seem horrified or confused: my dad jokes about me writing for a magazine (he points out that I hardly read any; excuse me, I’ve been a subscribed member of the New Yorker since... this past Wednesday), he adds that maybe I could ask to work in marketing or sales at the Company (not a bad idea); my mom accuses me of disrespecting my boss* (I ask to work from home for another day - three days a week, now); my aunt suggests we travel to China, forget our worries for a week (I sign up); my friend SC sends me links on startups that teach children how to code; my sister-in-law explains to me the concept slasher - some people are cooks slash software engineers, some are therapists slash content creators (this term bums me out, I don’t want to be a slasher, I don’t want to be slashed).
*my boss is absolutely fantastic, she doesn’t have to worry about that.
a spoiled brat
I write this with a heavy heart, because I wonder if doing what’s safe, in life, also means doing what’s boring (boredom kills, it absolutely slowly drives a knife through your already bleeding heart).
I think I’m privileged enough to think the following (I don’t have any dependents or student loans): I don’t think a long-term job necessarily needs to be a 8/10 (though I wish it were) everyday, but maybe a 6/10 (if the pay is good), or a 4/10 (if the pay is incredible) - a 3/10 may even suffice (if you put your soul on discount).
and I say this because economically, it might be the ‘boring’ jobs that make a city - it’s at least what makes Hong Kong, Hong Kong: our infrastructure is amazing (given the size of the city, our roads are pretty incredible), our public transportation system is impeccable (we have one of the best in the world; we even helped Sweden improve theirs), our property prices are scarily high (the real estate industry is really killing it, why don’t we do a Selling Sunset version here, we could call it Selling Souls).
a logic experiment
safe = my job
my job = boring
safe = boring? 😭
a way out
so it was reassuring to read The Good Life, which I’ve been meaning to dedicate a post to, but find it very difficult to do so, mostly because they have so many good ideas.
for those that would rather keep it short than go to the public library or spend your hard earned dollars buying a copy, here is the main idea (after eight decades of research and millions of dollars spent): good relationships, which you can evaluate by how you feel and how frequently you contact the other person, are keys to a happy life. they aren’t means to an end, they are ‘ends in themselves’.
so, now that we have that out of the way, let’s focus on what these very smart people conclude about work:
Work is a major source of socializing and connection. Change the nature of work, and you change the nature of life.
my friend FL tells me about a conversation she has with her dad’s German clients: they say that most conversations in Hong Kong aren’t very... problem oriented, which - they wonder - why that is. what they mean by that is, everyone has problems; why not share them, why not put them out on the table, why not think about how to fix them, together?
Presence matters... availability of in-person, real-time role models is extremely important.
I was at the market the other day, and the lady who sells the vegetables called me ‘ah yee’, which translates to old maid in English (what the fuck?). I tell my parents that night, it amuses them immensely; but you know, some part of me isn’t too worried about my age, and I think that might be because of the really beautiful and successful women around me (my mom, my aunt YH, my cousin SP). I thought I was going to take this quote in a more profound direction, but nope, there it is, I’m not that old, is what I get from this.
We can’t confide in ourselves, romance ourselves, mentor ourselves... the process of giving and receiving is the foundation of a meaningful life.
I know a lot of really cool people that I don’t think realize how awesome they are, writing for other people could be fun.
Many of us imagine that our identity is self-created, that we are who we are because we made ourselves that way. In reality, we are who we are because of where we stand in relation to the world and to other people.
I want to maintain my 10/10 sister status.
Attention - time - is the most valuable thing we possess. Time and attention are not something we can replenish. They are what our life is. When we offer our time and attention, we are not merely spending and paying. We are giving our lives.
a second logic experiment
safe = reasonableness with finances
reasonableness with finances = budgeting, investing, saving, planning
safe = budgeting, investing, saving, planning
100% agree that good relationships are the foundation of a good life!